Monday, September 20, 2010

i'm grateful, all the same

i love the new walkmen record. you should love it, too. there's a lot of good stuff there. right now, though, having listened to it a million times on NPR before it came out, i am most enamored with the two bonus tracks that came from buying it (with monies!) on iTunes. especially this little calypso number, which has the very lovely, upbeat weariness that makes this record so goddamn good. it just fits my mood, especially in the wake of the last show this weekend.

The Walkmen - Grateful by Weallwantsomeone

Thursday, September 2, 2010

your memories are being run

p4k's best songs of the 90s has been what i thought it would be: a bunch of stuff i don't know, a bunch of stuff i don't care about, and a few absolutely spot-on choices. it finishes tomorrow and everyone will argue or complain about it, maybe, but so far there have been a few entries that i could not agree with more. the thing i like is how they picked the exact right songs from these bands-- i think it shows the connoisseurship that is the reason we read critics.

#178: Broadcast - Echo's Answer

simply one of my favorite songs.

#63: Modest Mouse - Trailer Trash

please note that they picked what are almost certainly their 3 best pre-2000s songs for this post: trailer trash, never ending math equation, and broke.

#21: Smashing Pumpkins - 1979

don't deny it.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

i don't know but i've been told: you'll never die and you'll never grow old

september! i didn't plan on starting you off by reading through my old LJ, in reverse chronological order, becoming more mortified as the self-involvement went from huge to monumental and the writing went from bad to uniquely horrific. i was especially struck by the lack of empathy, and the sense of entitlement, and the meanness, smallness, and pettiness-- especially because i remember feeling the way i was feeling at all the different times that i wrote all the different things and i'm almost sure i didn't mean to be that way. the facts are stark: i was that way. ow.

so then i started looking through old songs, and old records, and of course gmail; the damn thing saves so much. i was especially struck by the seeming endlessness:

1-20 of thousands

totally nonchalant.

my point is not about the past specifically, though to say sorry for being such a nightmare to everyone, always, is probably a worthwhile thing to do every time i can; it's more about remembering and taking stock and, hopefully, identifying progress. i'm sure it'll happen plenty of times in the next two months before i move to norway, but i'm glad i kind of stumbled into it without any emotional push. i do a lot of internalizing and compartmentalizing (i like to think of insides as an elaborate, high tech recycling center), especially these days, so it is actually nice to dive into the history books and see what i've been avoiding and what i've forgotten.

still, it's nice to feel like there's been some progress. wiser, not wise; older, not old.